My boy sent me an email. He was asking, since, I have been silent and not blogging if I am in a good place right now.
I can’t really say I know the answer to his question.
The weekend was a fairly bland one sex wise and I can’t say I feel any more exciting. I feel blah and tired and will have to think of something to inspire me to great acts of kink.
I am not going to stop blogging. But I am also not feeling much like writing. When I am in a better frame of mind, I do not have to think of a topic. I just start to write and something, good or bad, flows out onto the page. But today, each word is a struggle and the result is this boring little missive.
This week I am going to spend some time just resting and contemplating my state of mind. And then maybe I will either be able to define this blah place I inhabit right now or push my self out of it.
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About Me
- Ms. C
- Ontario, Canada
- A woman exploring her own power and weaknesses through D/s.
7 comments:
I understand how you feel. I am also going thru a kink rut at the moment. I hope you find something to lift your spirits Ms C! (((HUG)))
Ms. Catherine,
I have been reading your blog for a while now and I can understand how you feel. I know I have pushed my wife to the place you may be sitting now. And now, even though you say it is all about you, every time you think about what you want to do you think of what the boys will think? What are they expecting? How will they react? Will either feel hurt or left out?
And every time you have a thought or a direction that you think you want to take you have to consider their wants and desires because they tell you over and over again.
Your slut/slave makes sure to comment and post about whatever you are thinking or talking about. And even though he says it is "all about you" he makes sure you know what he thinks and wants. And if you have stated something that is his thing for the week he has a way to say "have you thought about this Ms Catherine?" Sure he doesn't use those words but it is the same.
Through his blog he is attempting to manipulate and direct while crying out that it is all what you want. He knows that you care to much to not take into consideration what he thinks.
The day he stops making his opinion known is the day it becomes about you.
You sound plain tired of playing the game.
Thank you Mistress L!
Florida Don,
I have been thinking almost, but not quite along those lines during my silence. Something m said recently has me contemplating the structure of our relationship and "the game"...I will be writing about it soon!
I hope you did not see my comments as blasting m, I was not. Maybe he knows what he is doing, maybe not. But when I read his most recent post I got very tired for you again. It was all about him, what he needed or wanted and seemed designed to work on your head so you would be more aware of what he needed.
Reminds me of Madeline Kahn singing in Blazing Saddles.... "I'm tired....Tired of playing the game...."
Florida Don,
There is definitely an element of covert communication happening when we blog. But we try to not use it as a form of communication between the two of us. I do not think he is attempting to manipulate me.
However, you are right, I care enough to be influenced by his needs. But I have learnt that submissives are greedy creatures. Because they cannot control the situation are always the thumb of someone else, they often become very centered on what they want to happen.
I will be blogging tomorrow.
I hope you are ok. No matter what any of us readers say, it is just opinion based on what we see. And one thing I have seen is you are an exceptional soul, caring, loving and full of intelligence, wit and understanding.
We miss you and m is one lucky guy.
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